I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
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