did you get engaged???
we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
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