Cold hands, warm shart.
The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
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