I bet he comes in French.
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
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unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
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I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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