I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
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