When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
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I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
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You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
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