it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
Randomize