You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
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I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
When did angry sex become our thing?
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
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you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
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