Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
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