i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
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Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
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