You're completely useless in the revolution.
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
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