i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
This beer is not sobering me up at all
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
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