i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
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