so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
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i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
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Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
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