Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
whose ass print is on the piano?
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
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