He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
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Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
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I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
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