I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
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