This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
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The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
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