Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
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