i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
Randomize