I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
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You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
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When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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