he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
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I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
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I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
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