You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
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Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
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I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
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