you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have fence marks all over my body
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
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