By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
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