this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
Randomize