i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
i just made my gag reflex go away.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
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