Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
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