I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
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