is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
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I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
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i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
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