Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
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i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
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While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
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