i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
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She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
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HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
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