Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
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