So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
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