hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
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