my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
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If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
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I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
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