Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
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States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
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If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
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