i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
Hippo gnu deer
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
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