I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
Randomize