you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Randomize