I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
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