I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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