i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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