Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
Randomize