I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
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Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
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Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
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