she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
Randomize