I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
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