Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
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Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
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Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
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