If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
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