I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
Randomize