remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
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